Me Tarzan. You burn it all down [prt 2]

This theme for this series is: Paint it black; because there comes a time when we must burn everything down. Even the excuses

2. “If I go to the gym, they’ll know...”

The worst part about figuring out your sexuality is a). everyone has an opinion, everyone “knows” what you are/should be doing and b). you have no clue what this means and you KNOW... beyond the shadow of a doubt that everyone knows or will soon know that you had a secret.

Long ago, in a galaxy far far away [the 70’s], the oracle in my life had the best gay friends [... in life]. So she knows the body of a gay man; she knows the signs. I’d say she’s rarely wrong. Now if she knows this, who else knows of these… markers? God! If I go to the gym and tone out, will everyone know for sure? I mean I take enough androgynous pictures as it is, will a good body just confirm it? You don’t know the private terror wrapped in the asininity of the thought. I eventually did go to the gym. I felt good there; can’t believe I did that to myself all these years. Granted, I’ve missed a few good months but I’ll be back [yes, yes I AM gong back. Sheesh] because I’m doing this for my health. For me. Don’t let you box yourself in with negative imaginings.

Next: “I don’t want to hurt them...”

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Me Tarzan. You List

--> I’ve been listening to SKYFALL since the radio edit dropped on Thursday. It tore through me indeed. But somewhere around Friday evening [maybe earlier], I realised that while most people were loving the song for it’s Adele/Bond value, for me it was an actual plea to Heaven. "Please, let the sky fall already." I had had enough. I wrote a short piece for my [name: classified] project and while doing so, I asked myself, “what would it take to make you happy?”. I wrote it on my phone.. Here now is the list. What would it take to make you happy? 1. ACTUALLY seeing God I remember, the days leading up to the surgery thinking, what would happen if i went under and had some kind of Divine Visitation? What then? If I sat down to it, I can almost rationalise every faith experience. Almost. I think about how many times I was supposed to be dead - literally - and I think, it had to be God. Of ...

Me Tarzan. You 2025

I don't know if you're watching. I don't know if you care. I certainly don't know if blogs are sexy anymore but ... here we are. It is March, 2025, and like Carrie Bradshaw, I too don't fully know what I'm doing. Which is hilarious when I look back on my old posts and still didn't know what I was doing. This is and election year in my country. I have a lot to say. Maybe even videos to produce ... but I also have nothing to say. It is 2025 and I am apparently 43 and I've appropriated that one song to say, "nobody likes you when you're 43" because ... really. [hums to self: "the state looks down on sodomy" hahaha. ah that song was good, wasn't it?" I didn't intend to come here now with word vomit; probably later I'll have something actual to say. Probably I'll exchange procrastination with discipline and RESUME my bloglike ways because it used to be FUN. Circumstances... not so much, but blogging? Yes. Anyways,...

Me Tarzan. You Preacher Politics

Valley of Decision by Christafari. Appropriate me thinks. On the night before the American election, while walking towards the taxi-stand, I became depressed by religion in politics. Actually, I became depressed by the thought of RACE in RELIGION but since that flowed into the political stream, one can say that I was sorely depressed all the way around. Here’s why: A prominent “Father of the Faith” so to speak, sat down with Mitt Romney. Now, tradition has shown that he’s the kind of guy that Presidents and Presidential hopefuls go to at some point in their careers, so it should come as no surprise that Master Mitt and the “Father” wold meet. It is said, that after meeting with him, though he didn’t give an all out public endorsement as other members of his family seem to have, he did advise the [Christian] public to vote according to Biblical Views/Beliefs....

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