Skip to main content

Me Tarzan. You Burn It All Down [prt3]


The theme for this series is: Paint it Black; because there comes a time when we must burn everything down. Even the excuses

“I don’t want to hurt them”
When I told one of my brothers that I liked one of his friends, he was happy. He actaully said to me, “Please like my friend!”. I chuckled at the statement. I told him that I wasn’t going to tell this boy because I didn’t want to hurt him. You know me, I’m a theist. Beyond that, I’m a master of mucking up my life. and if my past girls are anything tho go by, at some point I will cause tears to fall from this one’s eyes and I was not going to be responsible for that. So even though I felt for him, I decided to burn that down. But... here’s the truth: I get bored by relationships. And maybe it’s all the damn Sleepless in Seattle and Battlestar Galactica but I tend to love more. And I’m sick of trying to conform to a new person in a relationship. That bores me. … Here’s the truth: I have responsibilities. I have a small position in church, I grew up in the church, what happens the morning I ketch a God-vapse? The last love of my live – though not exactly religious – knew of my Churchiness; she even came to see me perform – and SHE’s not here, far more, crushing on an atheist. ... Here’s the truth: I flirt with everyone ‘cause it’s easy but to invest in somebody.. and what if he has someone? I actually told myself to tell him [yes, he’s gay] and when he shuts me down/out I would move on. Here's the truth: what if i actually gave in to this and told him and what if, he feels the same way. Shit! My whole world ends either way doesn't it? Here’s the truth: while I don’t want to hurt him, I don’t want to get hurt either. But what’s the point of life without risk? Right? Right. Don’t let you cause fear to destroy you.

Next: “I’m waiting… [for the full package]”

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Me Tarzan. You List

--> I’ve been listening to SKYFALL since the radio edit dropped on Thursday. It tore through me indeed. But somewhere around Friday evening [maybe earlier], I realised that while most people were loving the song for it’s Adele/Bond value, for me it was an actual plea to Heaven. "Please, let the sky fall already." I had had enough. I wrote a short piece for my [name: classified] project and while doing so, I asked myself, “what would it take to make you happy?”. I wrote it on my phone.. Here now is the list. What would it take to make you happy? 1.               ACTUALLY seeing God I remember, the days leading up to the surgery thinking, what would happen if i went under and had some kind of Divine Visitation? What then? If I sat down to it, I can almost rationalise every faith experience. Almost. I think about how many times I was supposed to be dead - literally - and I think, it had to be God. Of ...

Me Tarzan. You 2025

I don't know if you're watching. I don't know if you care. I certainly don't know if blogs are sexy anymore but ... here we are. It is March, 2025, and like Carrie Bradshaw, I too don't fully know what I'm doing. Which is hilarious when I look back on my old posts and still didn't know what I was doing. This is and election year in my country. I have a lot to say. Maybe even videos to produce ... but I also have nothing to say. It is 2025 and I am apparently 43 and I've appropriated that one song to say, "nobody likes you when you're 43" because ... really.  [hums to self: "the state looks down on sodomy" hahaha. ah that song was good, wasn't it?" I didn't intend to come here now with word vomit; probably later I'll have something actual to say. Probably I'll exchange procrastination with discipline and RESUME my bloglike ways because it used to be FUN. Circumstances... not so much, but blogging? Yes. Anyways,...

Me Tarzan. You Preacher Politics

                                  Valley of Decision by Christafari. Appropriate me thinks. On the night before the American election, while walking towards the taxi-stand, I became depressed by religion in politics. Actually, I became depressed by the thought of RACE in RELIGION but since that flowed into the political stream, one can say that I was sorely depressed all the way around. Here’s why: A prominent “Father of the Faith” so to speak, sat down with Mitt Romney. Now, tradition has shown that he’s the kind of guy that Presidents and Presidential hopefuls go to at some point in their careers, so it should come as no surprise that Master Mitt and the “Father” wold meet. It is said, that after meeting with him, though he didn’t give an all out public endorsement as other members of his family seem to have, he did advise the [Christian] public to vote according to Biblical Views/Beliefs....