Skip to main content

Me Tarzan: In The Absence of Soul

I wrote two articles about HATE before this one. And I'm not talking about petty irritation that you humans disguise as hatred, i mean genuine HATE; and i know it was genuine because of two proofs:
1. The blinding clarity i got (i've said it before and i'll say it again - love covers a multitude of sins but hatred has a kind of blinding/blistering clarity to it.
2. The alarming tightening of my chest. To this day, there are moments where breathing is somewhat laboured (and good lord, the bile... or "cold"... but i know this to be just an expression of utter hatred)

I felt... feel... felt like the C-4 left at teh base of my heart/soul had finally (FINALLY) exploded; not just breaking it, but shattering it to dust. As i thought about that, though, i realised there was now two states of being thanks to this soul dust or as the header states: The Absence of Soul.

1. The Freedom To Act: soul is said to be the seat of emotions and i'd even say, your conscience. We'd all like to think that it resides in the mind, but when you do something that is morally wrong, there is - at least for me - a pang that goes deep into me. this [by the way] morally wrong is not uniquely religious; no one likes liars [for examples]. People do good out of the "GOODNESS" of their heart/soul and likewise, they shrink back from evil lest they sully their souls. But if that soul feels shattered to dust, what is to stop you from systematically wiping out every one and every thing that hinders? It's like parking your wings for an extended period in favour of a blazing kitana. It's dark... but it's an option.

2. Re-Creation: The thing about being a Theist is that you're also a Creationist [though the 6000 yr argument is not one i agree on]. A soul shattered to dust is the right material needed to begin the creation process. God makes Man from Dust [and even in The Golden Compass/His Dark Materials, DUST is important]; it is the binding ingredient [so to speak] for new things. Before the Spirit breathes on you... there must be DUST.

I have to believe in DUST as it relates to the second state of being. And i don't say this lightly. This isn't me saying, "oh well, Faith i guess" - if you know me, you know that Faith and I have a tortured love affair at times, but i am Theist and a fantasy writer and a comic fan; I know what happens if i let go and go all Etrigan on the planet. So even if i feel... felt... feel shattered in soul, shattered to Dust, i have to believe [or should i say - i CHOOSE TO believe] on the power of Re-Creation. 
I believe in Dust. What do you believe in?
Pax

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Me Tarzan. You List

--> I’ve been listening to SKYFALL since the radio edit dropped on Thursday. It tore through me indeed. But somewhere around Friday evening [maybe earlier], I realised that while most people were loving the song for it’s Adele/Bond value, for me it was an actual plea to Heaven. "Please, let the sky fall already." I had had enough. I wrote a short piece for my [name: classified] project and while doing so, I asked myself, “what would it take to make you happy?”. I wrote it on my phone.. Here now is the list. What would it take to make you happy? 1.               ACTUALLY seeing God I remember, the days leading up to the surgery thinking, what would happen if i went under and had some kind of Divine Visitation? What then? If I sat down to it, I can almost rationalise every faith experience. Almost. I think about how many times I was supposed to be dead - literally - and I think, it had to be God. Of ...
3 comments
Read more

Me Tarzan, You Save Me

                                         Ah, Smallville. Ah, Remy Zero! You say the best things. "How to save the world in five (5) minutes? Die. It dawns on me that both religiously and ordinarily, when someone dies... People change. U could try to change people all you want but it's in death that they realise - he, she stood for something. And they change. Funny. Pax"  - Text to a brother: July 20th, 2012; 6:19pm * I used to live in fear of the phone ringing. There was a time when the phone would ring and i would wonder if this was the day that my heart would be broken? Would i hear the news that a loved one [friend/family] has died? Was it a car crash? Please God, don't let evil or sad/tragic intent be on the other end of the phone. I haven't felt that way for a while, till las...
2 comments
Read more

Me Tarzan. You 2025

I don't know if you're watching. I don't know if you care. I certainly don't know if blogs are sexy anymore but ... here we are. It is March, 2025, and like Carrie Bradshaw, I too don't fully know what I'm doing. Which is hilarious when I look back on my old posts and still didn't know what I was doing. This is and election year in my country. I have a lot to say. Maybe even videos to produce ... but I also have nothing to say. It is 2025 and I am apparently 43 and I've appropriated that one song to say, "nobody likes you when you're 43" because ... really.  [hums to self: "the state looks down on sodomy" hahaha. ah that song was good, wasn't it?" I didn't intend to come here now with word vomit; probably later I'll have something actual to say. Probably I'll exchange procrastination with discipline and RESUME my bloglike ways because it used to be FUN. Circumstances... not so much, but blogging? Yes. Anyways,...
Post a Comment
Read more