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Me Tarzan. You Rant From A Safe Place

[you can watch the whole thing if you'd like but TO THE POINT start from 4:30 - 5:33]


After a wonderful little conversation with a Deist about religion I realized two very important things:
1.              I hate 'religion' [in quotation marks] and
2.              I hate myself
I have long since become an apologist, trying desperately to use intellect as a means of ratifying faith and humanity; not just science [which I’ve always felt were estranged brothers in the least] but humanity on the whole. This of course is pointless as the very IDEA of faith is at best MAGIC to most and since we all know magic does not exist [right], we “otherwise rational” people are thought of as… well… stupid. What is left is me trying to show WHY Jesus is real and WHY God [as you perceive him] is in fact NOT a narcissist. This is not an easy task. Nothing worth anything ever is, but what it drives me to feel in these situations, is an intense urge to pick up the large coffee mug I have and beat people in the head with it. hereby achieving to things:
1.         PROOF that all religious people are irrational/fanatical &
2.        PROOF that I am one of those baboons I so seriously detest (notice my header “intellectualism before baboons”; you must admit, that is amusing)
This is me… trying to be that voice between worlds. I NEED to make my deist, atheist, nowhereian friends see the WHY that causes religious people to be faith walkers while making my theist friends understand WHY evolutionists (and quite frankly their own theist peoples of different denominations –we won’t even go to different religions) believe that which is believed. It is not an easy task. And admittedly, I look/sound way too intelligent to just through up my hands and tell people “you just have to have faith”. Or so I thought. I even said to myself that what I am is a bridge between the two parties but really… I recant that since people are ALREADY walking over me as it is, why would I solidify that construct by claiming myself as a “bridge”. Besides, to get all theist up in here, “there is one mediator between God and man, the man Christ Jesus”. People think being a theist [capital “T”] is either:
1.              PROOF POSITIVE that you are not intelligent or
2.              PROOF POSITIVE that you have a deficiency in your life and since you are unable to call that deficiency to order or since you are at your wits end as to how to cure it, you come to a GOD Delusion.
Incidentally, I love that book. It got me mad in parts, especially when I read how some Texan pastors were operating thus giving the author a great deal of fodder. But I liked the book and I have a great deal of respect or else admiration for the author. At least he’s picked a side. Too many people believe in this “something is out there” crap. But I digress there.
How do you tell a “sane person” that when God spoke to the Israelites to wipe out an entire race of people, that that was justifiable? I tend to break everything down to its microcosm… well… I tend to break everything down. And as I do, I look at the political and religious setting of the time. The circumstances surrounding Israel were dark and thus came the order. Now, fast forward to the New Testament for a whole new set of “problems” including but not limited to “shut up woman you’re in the church”.  IChuckle. Again, for me, I can easily explain this. By writing of course, speaking always comes out garbled and ridiculous. But the more I live and breathe I realize that:
1.              No body READS. Grief I got my own Darwin books, I got a Quran, a Gita and Chinese prayer beads, I checked on our boy Nietzsche and I HAD this groovy book on how music mimicked nature in an evolutionary sense. All this, because I want to know what YOU believe
2.              If people do read, there is little follow up or rather no one takes the time to understand. The result of course is series Faith bashing because I am just too idiotic to still hold fast to a construct that doesn’t add up.
Being a Theist is not easy. I make no apologies for it but you must realize it is hilarious. It is far more NOT EASY thanks to Pat Robinson but hey…
Just look at me: I got a twisted spine, my body hurts, I am always sick; my mom has back issues, low blood pressure, and if I’m not mistaken I THINK the specialist said her blood was lil contaminated or something or the sort [I think]; I got people opening they arse, family who steals inheritance monies and I have a saviour complex for every stray girl – yet I am single; my salary gets eaten by bills, I got money I can’t touch and I’m fed up borrowing and… and my father is Darth Vader. YET… I believe and by faith say “God is Great and I’m alright” – because I WILL make it dammit (that whole faith without works thing comes to mind – have faith, but have a plan of action!)
.
Maybe that’s the thing. Maybe this intellectual… competition to prove to you that all Theists are not zombie walkers after your brain is an act of futility. Perhaps I just too bright for my own arse; for almost every thing about faith can be explained away [it seems]… or maybe I just need to try harder because I can’t [and I hate that word “can’t”] let either side go on fighting each other with just the bare bones, convoluted information. It nah work hoss. It nah… work.

Or maybe I just need my bed.

Pax
Tracy j h

Comments

  1. Ayodhya OudittFebruary 9, 2012 at 5:38 AM

    from your description, it sounds more like faith in one's self, or rather, one's stamina throughout the journey is the key. what are the merits of outdated stone-age metphysical and ethical depictions of the world, that make it a better (ie - TRUER) way of life than a simple acceptance that the world is hard, and one needs to persevere?

    admittedly, it would be a pleasing thought to imagine that the entire world and it's narrative would be laid out for your profit, and that when things go wrong (the only thing one should have faith in really), allfather will pick you up, or he did it for some unknowable circular purpose... but that doesn't ... make it... true.

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