Monday, January 4, 2016

Me Tarzan. You New Year.

Let's call this: "The DELUSION of 'New Year'":

An image dropped into my mind this morning, it tugged at my heart for a minute before I shook it off and moved on with my life it wasn't real; it didn't happen that way but it DID cause me to wonder, "why is 2013 still following me?" This of course, was a fallacy; it was 2012 that was following me. it was in 2012, that I made some personal decisions in order to figure out some [possibly] life altering/affirming things about my personal universe. I tied off some things. I burned down the idea of having kids that go to Maria Regina; I needed to figure life out. maybe even formulate an experiment. ...

2012 moved on and so did I. 2013 came with some fresh opportunities but it also showed me just how much hatred I can feel/carry. By the end of 2013, I was home and prepping freelance projects - sporadic as they were, so I should've been fine but I had grown to hate every blue or purple Hyundai Tuscon because that's what someone I despised, drove. I was in a dark and hateful place; I very much wanted to Force Choke or put a hex on they arse but.. hatred leads to the Sith, which is funny to me given that the Star Wars quiz I took, said "You are Emperor Palpatine." (lawlz). but I digress.

2014 was mixed but God is Love, I moved on except... there were days when I'd find myself in pain or just not amused by any human prospects but i'd shake it off as Taylor demanded I should. 2015 started fine enough: I was still freelancing some. mom and I spent the day liming, one January day, only to come home and get the call that my grandmother moved on. over the time that followed, I remember feeling 2013's dark hate surfacing; there were people alive being bad, mean or downright evil, people who had made a mockery of my trials and they were fine... and it didn't matter that grandma was old and sick, what mattered, was that these people lived and I wondered if my hate could end them. Neither 2012 nor 2013 was over. And lest you say as a friend once said), "You believe in God and the universe; why you didn't pray about it?" ... Even Spiritually inclined people fight the demons; it's not always moon-pies and heavenly cupcakes for the FAITH-full.

I'm sort of, kind of fine and groovified now; God is my strength and even self, there are things you have to fight but the point/the take-away from this diatribe is this: It's fun to let the euphoria of passing time make you think that today may be all sunshine and roses but if we don't go back to the root year/the death year/the year that caused your soul to implode, nothing will change. 2015 may have been a SYMPTOM YEAR but what was the VIRUS YEAR? What was the 'patient zero' year? The year someone died, walked away, became a bounty hunter; the year your security collapsed, the year that if felt Heaven stopped talking, FIND THAT YEAR, so that when you come into a chronologically new year, you won't live in the delusion; so that when you say, "happy new year", you would actually mean it because the old days, the old pains would have been dealt with/uprooted/cleansed from your system.

Are you living in 2010? is it still 2014 for you? Then it's not a happy new year is it? Maybe, at this turn of the clock, we begin to remove all the spiritual/emotional asbestos left in our souls; then maybe we can truly say, "Happy New Year". *the good fairy has spoken. thunder rolls/disappears in smoke*

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