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Me Tarzan. You Barter.

                                "if i'm wrong, i am right. no need to look no further..."

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Tossed with the idea of buying a LOTTO ticket today. It’s $17Million TT. Most every one is buying a ticket tonight. I of course will not be because I am a Theist and I tend to mistake fear for faith, so while pondering, if I will be insulting God, I’m also thinking I should’ve just bought the darn ticket when I went to the grocery. It’s a one-in-however -million chance that I may actually win anyways [though I HAVE had some numbers circulating in my head]. But when I consider that I am working to pay bills; when I consider that “gee, you might have to stop buying comics” because I have bills; when I consider that my mom shouldn’t have to be wondering if she’s being a burden because she’s not working right now [that woman – Buddha- has given her life, sacrificing to the point of getting really, truly sick, JUST to make sure that I make it]… when I think of these things, I wonder WHY…THE HELL… DIDN’T YOU JUST TAKE… A DAMN… CHANCE?!

Being a logical Christian means that I can rationalise WHY I should play LOTTO and why I shouldn’t. For instance, I could say that doing things like paying tithes or investing in someone’s missionary fund is also taking a risk, but I know enough to know WHY I do those things. It’s not the popular decision but it’s mine.

SIDEBAR: Is there such a thing? A logical Christian? I can rationalise that too. Or I could shake my head side to side and say, “we do not operate by man’s logic and these are not the droids you are looking for.”

As I pondered picking up a ticket I was struck with a new thought:
A lot of people will be bartering with God tonight.
Please God-who-I-don't-talk-to-because-you’re-not-real, if you help me win this money I will donate a third to charity, I WILL stop smoking and I’ll be a better person to everyone.

OR for the ones who “know Him”

Please God-who-I-only-acknowledge-when-my-back-is-in-a-meat-grinder, if you help me win I’ll go to church more. I’ll invest in the church, I won’t listen to gossip and I’ll stop watching porn! I’ll let go of all my ills and be a monk. Right.

I have no such compunction to barter. The thought crossed my mind, but if God is real and sees all, CLEARLY… that would be for naught. Not that I don't have ills that should be rid off – but why lie. If I want to get published, I must first finish writing a manuscript. Winning the LOTTO will not change that fact. If I want to quit smoking [I don't smoke, just saying], I must GET UP and make a conscious effort to do so. And if I want to donate to a Church/ Monastery/Charity Organisation, my motivation shouldn’t be winning the LOTTO and by extension, BARTERING with God. It SHOULD be because I am motivated, because I want to [with the little I have] and because it’s a good thing to donate to charity. A case can [and has] been made that you don’t need/shouldn’t need Faith to be a Moral person on the Earth. Just live right. Funny.

Tomorrow pls God, I’m going to pay my bills. I going to pay for my comics that are here because I LIKE THEM AND I WANT THEM. I’m going to say Praise the Lord I have a good career – even though right now I want to know why I wasted a whole day when we could’ve just done IN THE FIRST PLACE what we’re NOW DOING. Sigh. Woosa.

Change because you want to. Change because you need to and not because you think He’ll let you win $17Million. Change… for YOURSELF, is my point.

Pax.
Tracy J H 

P.S.: let's me clear on this, i like money. i buy Sargento Cheese. in Trinidad that eh cheap. But must we lie to our selves and God?

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