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Me Tarzan. You List



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I’ve been listening to SKYFALL since the radio edit dropped on Thursday.
It tore through me indeed. But somewhere around Friday evening [maybe earlier], I realised that while most people were loving the song for it’s Adele/Bond value, for me it was an actual plea to Heaven. "Please, let the sky fall already." I had had enough.

I wrote a short piece for my [name: classified] project and while doing so, I asked myself, “what would it take to make you happy?”. I wrote it on my phone.. Here now is the list.

What would it take to make you happy?
1.              ACTUALLY seeing God
I remember, the days leading up to the surgery thinking, what would happen if i went under and had some kind of Divine Visitation? What then? If I sat down to it, I can almost rationalise every faith experience. Almost. I think about how many times I was supposed to be dead - literally - and I think, it had to be God. Of course, it also had to be my mother's resolve but I truly believe that given my life, God is real and He has to have some reason for wanting me to be too. Call it my personal brand of crazy, but I've reached the point where I NEED to know Him instead of knowing about Him [I've been studying philosophy and theology since i was little - no prompting I might add]. If I’m to be an effective Theist I need... a more ... direct message from Jor-el... fast. So to speak. Of course, would i listen is the other part. There I said it.

2.              Her
3.              Him
Funny, as I continued my honest list, I couldn’t figure out who should come first. The girl who, I’ve said time and time again that there was NEVER supposed to be an “after” her. Or, the guy who above all the other crushes I had [and killed], him I like very much. Of course NONE of them could work but this list isn’t about that.Why now... Why this, now?

4.              Money
5.              Getting published
6.              Vacations
7.              Gym
8.              Kids
9.              Honesty
10.           Being whole again
Because when the events of your life still make you want to scream years and years and YEARS LATER, you realise “so maybe I’m not as over every thing as I thought I was. How ‘bout that?” But I do remember a feeling… it was nice.

11.           Food
12.           Comic Monies
13.           New clothes
14.           New clothes for mom
15.           A better Mac
16.           Knowing mom’s secure
Not that she isn’t - she comes from a line of strong Hutchings women - but there are days I think about me, dying [which is a lot actually] and I want that if that happens she NEVER has to wonder about anything. From how to deal with online shopping to.. whatever.

17.           Savings [better]
18.           Acceptance
I accept most people. I hypothesize [the reasoning behind] all. My theist training makes me want to look at every body with a god eye and “forgive us our tresspasses” but again… acceptance. What the heck does that really mean? Saying, “it’s okay”? No, that's not it either. That's like me, having all the answers to a church quiz and suddenly getting friends and I accepted it, I said to every one "It's okay". it burns me that I was so stupid.

19.           Love
20.           An easy mind
21.           A mind at ease [because #20 just seemed ignorant when I wrote it]
22.           Super powers
23.           The ability to levitate/fly/control matter
24.           A car for mom
25.           Money to jumpstart friends
Both First Lady Michelle and I agree... What good is standing in the sun alone? You should always be able to bring/drag the people that matter along with you. Success should be contagious. I want to be able to reach back and say, "come on! let's make it together."

26.           The destruction of my father
27.           The wholeness of my father
28.           A dog
I miss my dogs. Cats I like but… no eh. When it comes down to Bast vs Anubis, give me Anubis [iChuckle]

29.           New Books [the smell of fresh books! *brain freeze*]
30.           Finding the right story to get published
This does, in fact, differ from #5. I have many stories and projects. Which is the one that will be most creative… and sell?

31.           Being strong again/courage
Never be agreeable. Never allow intelligence to cause you to lose your voice. I have spoken [thunder rolls]

32.           Liking my own kind
One of my brothers – The Theist one – and I have a plan. We’re going to take Theism outside, beat it to a pulp and then nurse it back to health. And by the way fellow Theist, you are not absolved simply because you do not belong to this branch or that branch of Christianity. According to scripture, we’re ALL connected to the Vine. We’re ALL branches. Pray for each other instead of being… daft.

33.           Friends [being with them]
Work or some other madness that is SOOOO important tends to keep me away. Now I love my career most days but let’s face it, we’re all replaceable. Cue Beyoncé

34.           Changing death [no not "cheating", i DID MEAN "changing" death]
35.           SKYFALL
36.           NO [being able to say no  more often – to the right people]
37.           To be free of tears
38.           Less sighs
I sincerely started this year with the notion that THIS YEAR was going to have less sighs in it. Right.

39.           Intimacy
40.           A lil more sleep

Now. Here’s the thing. Give or take a few things on this list, I realise, most earth dwellers [and humans] have a similar list. There are things here we ALL need. Theist or Atheist. Male or Female. Gay or Straight [I have never understood “straight”. Should the long and winding road be long and gay road? Jeez.]. And if it’s true, that we share similarities then A- why aren’t we trying to make happiness abound in the Earth and B- why are we hell bent on destroying each other?

Pax

Comments

  1. Ayodhya OudittOctober 8, 2012 at 5:28 PM

    number one: i burst out laughing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ayodhya OudittOctober 8, 2012 at 5:31 PM

    everything else : preach.

    ReplyDelete
  3. tracy jOctober 8, 2012 at 5:46 PM

    *bows* mai thax. you may share with the Earth Dwellers.
    i really want people to start making their lists. no matter what personal brand of crazy is on there... it's somewhat Cathartic to make one.

    pax

    ReplyDelete

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