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Me Tarzan. You Burn It All Down [prt3]


The theme for this series is: Paint it Black; because there comes a time when we must burn everything down. Even the excuses

“I don’t want to hurt them”
When I told one of my brothers that I liked one of his friends, he was happy. He actaully said to me, “Please like my friend!”. I chuckled at the statement. I told him that I wasn’t going to tell this boy because I didn’t want to hurt him. You know me, I’m a theist. Beyond that, I’m a master of mucking up my life. and if my past girls are anything tho go by, at some point I will cause tears to fall from this one’s eyes and I was not going to be responsible for that. So even though I felt for him, I decided to burn that down. But... here’s the truth: I get bored by relationships. And maybe it’s all the damn Sleepless in Seattle and Battlestar Galactica but I tend to love more. And I’m sick of trying to conform to a new person in a relationship. That bores me. … Here’s the truth: I have responsibilities. I have a small position in church, I grew up in the church, what happens the morning I ketch a God-vapse? The last love of my live – though not exactly religious – knew of my Churchiness; she even came to see me perform – and SHE’s not here, far more, crushing on an atheist. ... Here’s the truth: I flirt with everyone ‘cause it’s easy but to invest in somebody.. and what if he has someone? I actually told myself to tell him [yes, he’s gay] and when he shuts me down/out I would move on. Here's the truth: what if i actually gave in to this and told him and what if, he feels the same way. Shit! My whole world ends either way doesn't it? Here’s the truth: while I don’t want to hurt him, I don’t want to get hurt either. But what’s the point of life without risk? Right? Right. Don’t let you cause fear to destroy you.

Next: “I’m waiting… [for the full package]”

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