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Me Tarzan. You Aimless

I think an award should be given to people who, though not knowing the what where why or how of [their] life, still get up every morning and trod on. Also, I'd like to be the first recipient.

A fabulous secret was revealed to me today: I have no idea how I feel about anything. ... Nope, correction, I know exactly how I feel: aimless. I got off the phone with a friend and businessman who feels excited to wake up every morning and get to work (his work of course; he owns a business). He's excitable. Hearing him speak gets ME excited about HIS plans. I realized however, I do not accurately remember the last time I actively got excited for the morning or anything.

Let me stop here and say, it's not like I live in a constant state of limbo and/or eternal despair; truth be told, once I actively pull myself away from bed, I tend to be fine. But of late, I just want to lay in my bed till the world (my world) makes sense.

I'm not in the mood to keep writing; I'm not sure that the manuscript already written isn't a total waste; maybe I should burn it. Honestly, I just don't know. I have clients and the good freelance work is coming and I'm doing it well but I'm just not excited about... Anything. I do however question if perhaps we get punished for being too bright, for trying to be so clever; our punishment [in part] is that we burn listlessly out... aimless. I made what I believed to be a series of rational decisions; tried to marry my intellect with my faith.. ... I just don't know. What do you do then? Thirty three and for the first time in years, you actually know "meh" is the default answer; rage being the default [internal] setting. Thirty three, male and in no real mood. My music soothes and my anger gives me focus but the waking up with a spring... Meh.

... ... ... Crickets... ...
I got nothing. What excites me anymore? I Don't mean the comics and the tv shows excitement.. I mean the TRUE ME; what would excite him at the crack of dawn? Instead of [feeling or] being... Aimless [meh]. A lover? A publishing contract? Travel? I was going to say T.A.R.D.I.S. What about you? Does the morning excite you? Do YOU excite you? If so, how. If not, why not? Does life leave you breathless or are you aimless?  I end here; you talk to your self.
Pax

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